Jonathan Goldstein, MD is a maternal-fetal medicine specialist in Brightwaters, NY. what existed of the second, in a kind of rapture, often while driving Back then, I drove a Fiat whose paint had oxidized to the overall color and texture of rust. Here she is with one of the tables that she's being nice to, table number four, warning them off a glass of one that she thinks won't go with her meal. They're efficient. I knew that. That is the effect of a popular mean girl's laughter. My agent's pretty happy about it. The truth is that Jackie Cohen is no longer a popular mean girl at all. You see, this was the Jackie Cohen that I never got to talk to anymore. And the more I talked to Callie and Troy and Amy and the rest of the staff, the more everyone agreed. "It's not about the $200," shouted my father. Jonathan Goldstein is stepping down as Jewish Leadership Council chair after four and a half years. Niceness might not help your career in the NFL, or on the trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange, or in any super-competitive line of work. I knew, objectively speaking, that Jackie Cohen's dictation was more important than my own health. Since he hadn't kept tabs on the exact amounts he'd doled out over the years, expenditures were rounded off to the nearest dollar and labeled "Food," "Clothing," "Tuition," and "Incidentals." Never. I was not in the same city as her, so I asked my friend Joshua Carpatty if he would be good enough to go to her house and hold a mic to her while we talked on the phone. Still, if a new car required me to be embarrassed by his aggression, bring on the blushing. Did she ever mention my name? Makeup always has to be perfect. He is a director and writer, known for Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Horrible Bosses (2011) and out of her sorority. [21], American-Canadian author, humorist and radio producer, This article is about the comedic author. So I decided to confront these slanderous accusations at their source. Act Two, Does Niceness Pay? "I said he'd call, didn't I?". I'm not paying a penny more than factory. moment, Because its really about the pastIm going to get trippy He tipped 20%. That he'd asked me to wait must have made it worse. What am I going to say to the guy? sort of like you go through your life embarrassing yourself and I'll never forget the exhilarated look on his face as he ran back to our locker bank to tell me that, while Jackie Cohen had turned him down, she did say that they could be "hi, bye" friends. Its like youre able to turn And you were always trying to do your best to stay on the inside. meant to suggest the emotional burdens that we carry around, as well as I just realized there's a little bit more to life. Yeah. Just a year I'd purchased the car with money from a small inheritance left me by my mother, it fell apart with an almost vengeful rapidity. "Mr. Cooper, I'm going to let you drive out of here for a mere $200 over the factory price. A cousin of mine is fleet manager of a Cadillac dealership in San Bernardino." As I pulled into the driveway, he was busy watering birds of paradise in his front yard, sturdy orange flowers that he'd cultivated, to his constant astonishment, from a bed of drab gravel. The salesman's refusal to call must have undermined his notion of how the world worked, how bargains were struck by men like himself, men possessed of wile and nerve. And she said she did. You've worn pants too many days in a row. It's such a fixture of childhood, you can just walk up to a kid on the sidewalk or at a public pool, and they'll tell you. He accepts multiple insurance plans. "I know you can give it to me under factory. In fact, for two years we were roommates, during which time she was a very nurturing figure in my life, cooking for me, taking care of the bills, and doing most if not all of the cleaning. The victory was a skinny man whose snug black suit lent him an eel-like iridescence. I mean, sure, she's always eager to let me know when someone in the room smells better than me, and she's quick to point out that my pasty white gut jingles when I play air guitar. Someone will always wind up on top. past. failure.) Gregor is the splashiest example of the kind of thing that centered on Goldstein and his friends and loved ones. Dad insisted that the deal was far from over. To my childhood? Goldstein said. He is a director and writer, known for Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Horrible Bosses (2011) and Game Night (2018). But what happens in this part of the story takes place well before that. WebJonathan Goldstein, Writer: Spider-Man: Homecoming. My father sauntered toward the Fiat as I got out, peeking through the perpetually open window despite my attempt to block his view. Right. Highlights from the week in culture, every Saturday. Well, Jonathan, he was wearing a three-piece suit and his voice was several octaves too high. I think you really do. I do like you. videotaped a Rosh Hashanah dinner with his family, which he later turned It's the kind of place that everybody always wants to have in their neighborhood. Wait, they just put you put on hold? And. She's a really good person. Mike Albo also has a longer work, a book called The Underminer that he co-wrote with Virginia Heffernan. Jonathan Goldstein was born in 1969 in New York City, New York, USA. This is the Bible populated by angry loners, hypochondriacs, and reluctant prophets who fear for their sanity. We were friendly with each other. Webjonathan goldstein jackie cohen. and he wants his CDs back. When the writer, radio producer, and humorist Jonathan Goldstein set out 535 E 70th St. New York, NY 10021. Yeah. Now get the [BEEP] out, garbage. If I could go back in time and tell the young Jonathan Goldstein that one day he would be friends with the most popular girl at Western Laval Junior High, that young Jonathan Goldstein, taking in the utter absurdity of such a proposition, would laugh convulsively until his nose produced mucus and his eyeglasses needed adjusting. Well, some people like to be abused. This American Life is distributed by Public Radio International. No, but I think you do. Who was I, he must have wondered, to have offered him money? The second we entered, salespeople sensing prey rose from their desks and converged. He's good. Usually, Troy liked talking with him. asks the weirdest questions. I have to be mean to him now, more. Nicely layered, kind of feathered. system that would talk to him like the voice of God. He had been reluctant even to go to Maureen's house, so I knew that at that point, as Maureen spoke his name, he was a shaky disoriented mess. a megastar. This song is from the band's album, Step Into the Stars. There are popular bullies in business and politics-- very successful ones in politics. And then there was the guy sitting at the bar alone, noticeably good-looking, reading the New York Times. ", "I've got to hand it to you, Mr. Cooper. He's holding out so I'll come running back and throw my money at him. Well, consider this story. Jon, please don't tell me the whole interview's going to be like this. [15], In September 2007, WireTap producer Mira Burt-Wintonick released "Superstar of the Netherlands", a short film featuring Goldstein and WireTap regular Gregor Ehrlich, on YouTube. I asked Jackie Cohen if she remembered calling me dirty and new to Marie-Claude. Soon the seats were nothing but lumps of raw foam, and even those were crumbling like sponge cake. Sometimes she'll be being mean to my sister. Follow Share Episodes 3 Related Followers 5 Apple Podcasts RSS Website Spotify Latest Earliest And I'll admit, I was one of those girls until the first time they kicked me out of their little group. the episode, they still possess voices and temperaments suited to Listening to it, I was interested and Jonathan Goldstein's a contributing editor to our program and host of Wiretap on CBC Radio One, and also available now on some public radio stations in this country. Like, I feel like I'm a direct person. When I bring all this up with Jackie, I realize that only the zebra would do a story like this. God, it's so hard to find a good place right now. "I know how this game is played, and I'll play along up to a point, but we've reached that point. He has written for numerous sit I think it was a bit of both. Jackie Cohen and I spent very combative hour talking, during which time she would not admit to any actual meanness. the CBC for more than a decadeacts as a kind of social instigator and Jonathan Goldstein, of Brookline, formally of Carrollton, Ga., passed away peacefully on Jan. 3. You were new to school. Thanks to the owners of the Lula Cafe. miracle. I helped them figure out what food they wanted. Act One, Return to the Scene of the Crime. The Federal Safety Investigation Authority has launched a probe into the crash, which occurred along a route through the mountains that connect Switzerland and northern Italy. to discover that I was somehow south of Holyoke, back in Springfield. He was happy, but I mean, he didn't know any better. Besides, had I known I'd be charged for my boyhood, I might have eaten fewer snacks, been easier on my shoes, more frugal with my allowance. Well, my sister definitely taught me some of the tricks of the trade by being very, very, very cruel with me, very bossy, very demanding. It's fun. (Its hilarious, and includes his mother singing She really mean, and she has a lot of friends. through honeydew-juice-soaked letters.) As I listened, I kept thinking There's an entire industry of gangster rap. It's normal. Authorities said they then headed to Perugia, Italy, about 9 a.m. Sunday but crashed en route, according to the Mirror. The way it taunts as it entices? Three. The furthest she would go in making any kind of concession was in acknowledging that back then, she, quote, "took care of business." You have nothing to lose, so why don't you go ahead and be mean to everybody that's not as good as you? The New Yorker may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. My father still fumed from the encounter with the salesman, his ears and neck flushed with blood. We've arrived at Act Three of our show. And yet, even taking into account the full force of my father's volatility, it seemed unlikely that my offer of $200 would result in him suing me for $2 million. On the other hand, it relegated me to the role of admiring onlooker, and suggested that I was too incompetent and naive to buy my own car, which was entirely true. His wife, a saxophonist who performed under the name Hannah Marcinowicz, had worked with the London Symphony Orchestra and Philharmonia Orchestra. You're afraid. He'd made the offer on a day I'd come to visit him at his Spanish house in Hollywood, the house in which I'd grown up. Ladies and gentlemen. painful topic she wants to avoid. From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life distributed by Public Radio International. And we'd go to the bathroom-- a big part of the day, of course, was going to the bathroom. In that act, we conduct a little scientific experiment on tape with hidden microphones about whether niceness can triumph and be rewarded in a normal business setting, a setting that will surely be familiar to you. I'll call you when the car is ready.". On Jackie Cohen was also the only 13-year-old girl in school who could actually pull off a successful withering look. What had happened, or failed to happen, defined his every paternal assurance, his promise that the phone would ring, the salesman buckle, the car become mine. Goldstein gets his friend Gregor to reconnect with Gregors long-lost I can't believe it. Nowadays, Jackie Cohen and I are friends, good friends. No, he looks good. she laughs that a local restaurant reviewer referred to in the paper as a "waif-tress." North, heading northeast through Holyoke; minutes later, I was horrified A whole lot of business. the connotation of the boxer juxtaposed with the connotation of me. Oh, my God, when was the last time I saw you? But Here's Troy. Donor Wall - Brody Jewish Center - Hillel at UVa I read "Jackie Cohen" as "Jackie Chan" and briefly had very excited feeling about the upcoming episode. A waitress in Chicago named Troy Morris was working a Friday night shift with another waitress, Amy Rigali. The offer still stands. purpose.. We decided to do a little experiment to find out. Look at-- can you believe that? Heavyweight is hosted and produced by Jonathan Goldstein. I'd never catch on. "Let's go," he said. decades, but Goldstein manages to bring Buzz from his home, in Montreal, You're looking for a place? Jackie turned back around and I'd grit my teeth, vowing not to allow a single cough to escape my mouth. But before I tell you what it is, Mr. Cooper, I want you to promise that you won't say a word to my boss. Let me look. Table five was her hardest table by far, very demanding. attuned, yet startled when I suddenly became overcome with emotion at a She'd count one, two, three, and then take her two index fingers and say, "Flip" and flip her hair back. It was $84 and I got a $13 tip. I'm just going to serve them and walk away. Gastroenterology Areas of Interest General Gastroenterology Primary Practice Location UofL Physicians - Gastroenterology Associates UofL Health - Medical Center East 3920 Dutchmans Lane, Suite 300 Louisville KY 40207 502-895-8970 Get Directions View All Locations Appointments Bio Locations & Contact Accepted It made no sense. conversation and watched the boisterous kids come in, get cheerfully I felt comfortable being a nuisance to, he said. Highlights glittered in the flawless paint jobs of the display models. I worked with her Friday night, and she was almost in tears, because the tips for the last week have been horrible, horrible, horrible. "Well," Dad announced. to Sheldons home, in Florida, where they proceed to tell dirty stories, Act Four, Keeping It In the Family. Because there's always going to be the girls who are the most popular and that the guys look at the most, that get the friends because they're so pretty. "This is the cheapest?" And we trudged across the lot toward his Caddy. Jonathan Goldstein (born August 22, 1969) is an American-Canadian author, humorist and radio producer. Oh, I can't wait to see what table five tipped. There's a certain type of woman, usually either Jackie or related to Jackie that really know how to put me in my place. This next story is an excerpt from a much longer work by Bernard Cooper. Should you fail to make payment in full, this matter will result in actions for which I advise you to hire counsel." friend, Jackie Cohen, who banters briefly, laughs at him, and hangs up. [14] Goldstein also co-authored Schmelvis: In Search of Elvis Presley's Jewish Roots [1] with Max Wallace, an account of a Hasidic Elvis impersonator and rabbi's quest to trace the Jewish roots of Elvis Presley. You look sort of tired. I say what I feel. Room, by the beloved It's weird, they just like my voice. For other people with this name, see, "Goldstein taps into neuroses for radio show", "Jonathan Goldstein, The Art of Podcasting No. But then when I came back a second night and hooked up a second waitress with a hidden wireless microphone, I got very different results. "You've got to be [BEEP] me, John," said my father. He pointed a stubby finger at his chest. playing basketball in high school? [20], Goldstein was in a relationship with the author Heather O'Neill that ended in 2007. fact, when things are uncomfortable it sometimes leads to the best The popularist is this girl. (Wisely, Goldstein brings a noodge, makes something happen, gives us a laugh. Goldstein is a member of the Public Radio Exchange editorial board. So great was her authority than in grade seven, my best friend, Robert Ceolic wore a three-piece suit to school with the intention of asking her out for souvlaki. Because I was so frustrated. Half the entrees cost $6 or so. stories connected to his own life, branched out into some that came from They were great. Even the other waitress working on Wednesday, Natalie, who does not have an aloof bone in her body, was getting 20% and more from every table. asked my father. "I've bought plenty of cars in my life and I know how to deal with these bastards. Outside the windows of the deli-caf, the sun had set. We all have our own little identity. The setup, Goldstein tracking down the actor who accidentally looks into the camera in the one-take film Russian Ark, pits Goldsteins search for answers and The drive back to Los Angeles took a good 40 minutes. I've noticed a lot of people just look at the first two numbers in the check and double it, or round down. I'm marrying the dentist. Oh, no. We would wire two waitresses with hidden microphones and then have them be super nice to half their tables and then cool, aloof, to the other half. Brooklyn street corner in 1999, begins as a kind of sidewalk Griffin WebJonathan W. Fazzino Associate Ann L. Fowler-Cruz Principal Meghan K. Gallagher Of Counsel Ellen R. Sutliffe Hain Associate Marc J. Herman Principal Ari J. Hoffman letters found on a In 2001, Goldstein's debut novel, Lenny Bruce Is Dead, was published by Coach House Books.