#17 Wouldn't that be nice? My 4-year-old says the wrong name for many things. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. 4 min read. . Me: You dont want to be called Canaan anymore? You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Tweet. Im writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests. What does that mean?Me: [mumbling] They plan on screwing up my Friday, that's what. Have you ever been shopping without your kid and someone's child in the store starts whining to their mother and you breathe a sigh of relief because that could have been you? #1 You won't. Start packing. That evening I asked if she was ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was really embarrassing. Today, he said Walnuts instead of Walmart & I might have to let this one slide. My daughter bought a toy and my son bought.a rotisserie chicken. The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. Friends and guests of Finding Favorites are back to tell us about their favorite things from 2022. We were eating dinner and it was really quiet because we were enjoying our food. But most of all I'm teaching my kids to read so they won't ask "What does XJ49PB2 spell?" People will tell you that childbirth is the most painful thing you can experience but after watching my toddler try to pick up peas with a fork I'm not so sure. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) - Memebase - Funny Memes The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) One of the most prominent stereotypes about parents is that once someone has kids, something shifts in their brain that makes them feel like the most esoteric bearer of ancient, once unknown knowledge. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 22, 2022) It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 8yo: daddy whats your best talent?me: hmm I dont know, maybe being a dad?8yo: no thats not it. Took my 9yo to school. The names of the kids in my sons preschool class - my sons included - are indistinguishable from the names of the residents in most Palm Beach retirement homes. My 5-year-old sat me down to tell me my fortune. I sent my daughter a text and she responded with I will look into this. I wrote on my kid's school tardy excuse. Janene. Parents m My 3 yr old asked if He could play with some cock & balls. The idea of them, especially when advertised on TV, is great: I'm into the promise of less sulking, more action, and a relatively positive attitude. He put a bag over his head and didn't speak the rest of the ride home. Yelling out the answers to Blues clues to absolutely own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends. I took the kids out for the day so my husband could relax and apparently my husbands interpretation of relaxing is relaxing and not doing 16 loads of laundry. The fact that my 8 year old farted in my face RIGHT after I told him that Id had a terrible day has me thinking that all those fairytales about parents leaving their kids in the woods may have actually been true stories. Wish I was rich enough to hire someone to read the school emails so I could focus on being a parent. This is your life now. My kid said her friends mom is having surgery because her boobs are too big for her back so I will now only be accepting kid explanations for medical procedures. Because we're ready to serve you that post-coital cocktail of snacks, ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and maybe even a high-five if you did a really good job. Myths and Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023. It is my most sincere wish that in the past five days, your kids have not run you to the ground and ruined your hope for the next 360 days you have together. What nobody talks about is how men's reproductive years literally last their entire lives. Parenting is similar. 75 of the Funniest Tweets on the Internet Kelly Kuehn Updated: Jan. 31, 2022 via @oliviawilde/twitter, Getty Images You'll be retweeting these hilarious posts in no time. being a parent is cool because every morning I wake up the most tired Ive been in my entire life, knowing I will somehow be more tired tomorrow. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Now when my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling him, its okay, mommy does it too.. October 14 someone i taught how. I told her it's a name. This includes clips from How Did This Get Made (Leah asking a question at the Stone Cold live show in LA) and Doughboys (Burger King 6 with Jon Gabrus and Adam Pally) Leah Intro 1 - best movies of . When my daughter was 7 years-old she once interrupted a bedtime story to tell me, In a pie-eating contest, it doesnt matter if you win or lose because you get to eat pie. I think about that a lot. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. I really don't know where this conversation is going. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. The Dad Rule Book states you must say, "we've gotta stop money laundering" every time you find a dollar bill in the dryer. The sound is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report. Wishing you all a good weekend! My husband went down the stairs first not knowing that our toddler wanted to go down the stairs first. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. And can I visit for a week or two? My 5yo asked for hot sauce on his dinner. This is fine. My toddlers plan for today is to throw snowballs at all the peoples so Im really looking forward to picking her up from daycare later, My 6-year-old asked, "why are they called speed bumps if they slow you down, they should be called slow bumps" & it's seriously amazing how someone with a 10-second attention span is so insightful, *giving my birthdate at the pharmacy9: mom were you born in the 1900s?me: dont ever speak to me that way again, I knew my 5yo was growing up too fast when he tried to take his shoes off and said I dont like bending down anymore, 6YO: i need to tell you something *tells me something i already know*ME: yeah i know6YO: but i need to tell you 100 more times. I be positive parenting but children dont be positively childrening. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. She asked if it's a name for goats. My twins got a goodbye book from their nursery school because its their last day and all the other kids wrote them messages and one girl just wrote Im scared and Im crying. Why should you date older single moms? Me: Its such a great feeling to be so loved by my family. They will communicate with . No word, no hug, not even a wave. My parenting style right now is like gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!! I just instructed my 4YO to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for all the best parenting tips. before becoming a parent i didn't know i could ruin someone's life by providing them with food, water, juice, clothes, entertainment and shelter for free. My kids bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher. Maybe for Christmas I'll draw him a picture of some toys, I wish the parenting books taught you what to do when your toddler grabs your wifes nose and screams WEINER NOSE, WEINER NOSE!. My 5 year old squeezed my hand and said Daddy, I dont do busy and Ive never related to him more, Ive never met a better negotiator than a kid who doesnt want to go to sleep. Funny tweets that. My 5-year-old out of nowhere, "so I didn't get that promotion." Her comedic timing was perfect. I always wished I had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples! Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! 50 Funniest Parenting Memes + Tweets This Week by Chris Illuminati April 8, 2022 Comments 0 Welcome to another installment of " parents about to lose their shit" better known as the funniest parenting memes & tweets of the week. Is this what good parenting feels like?? It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. Emptying my pockets before laundry: some tissues, a receipt, huh, thought my lip balm was in there. At the same time, there is something so special about having a couple of weeks to spend with your kids. Caroline Bologna Nov 11, 2022, 09:00 AM EST | Updated Nov 11, 2022 Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Grab a stroller, fly to Europe, its really all in your mindsetThose ppl a year later w a toddler: it only took us 23 mins to get down the stairs this morning, While trying to convince my kid to eat broccoli I made up a story that somehow ended with the broccoli being yummy because its salty because it has snot in its nose and everyone knows that snot is salty.what Im saying is that parenting is not for the weak of stomach. ", You know youre getting old when your kids start referring to every old person they know as about your age. You never thought you'd want to fight a 5yo, but here we are. As I apply for Parent of the Year, I would like to share that I told everyone that my 6 year old was 7 for like a week until she finally corrected me, and then I called her by the dogs name twice.I would like my prize in small bills pls. my son just referred to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them that now. Follow me for more parenting tips. My 6yo: There's no school on Friday because it's a teacher planning day. School emails be like:Welcome to X Elementary! 3. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 21, 2022) Time flies when you're having "fun." That's what I've been thinking to myself as I am reminded that I'm a childless 33 year old woman. I'm so proud. I laughed so hard the other day I ended up having to change my pants. Then in an awestruck voice he said, "I have a skeleton.". Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. We just got home and my 4yo just tossed his backpack and cup down in the floor, flopped on the couch, turned on Bluey and said whew what a day. Same, little buddy. My mom told me I needed to learn how to relax more so I dropped my kids at her house. Nothing says This parenting gig is easy! like using my sons last juice box as a mixer. Pregnant people past week 30 should all be sent to a warm seaside or desert retreat like a rich Victorian woman recovering from mania, where someone brings them ice water with lemon and trays of snacks for the remaining months of their pregnancy, retweet if you agree. 4. I told her no. Had I upset her? Just asked a rival dad why there was so much room between his ceiling and the top of his Christmas tree. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! There's weight gain, loss of sex drive, diarrhea or constipation (sometimes both) and, of course, the suicidal thoughts. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 15, 2022) To be a parent or to not be a parent. Image via @softbalIs on Twitter. To be a parent or to not be a parent. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Dads, on vacation: I wonder how much rain we got at home. Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and that wall of boogers behind every kids bed. every time we pass another car on the road. 10: I just read that you have fingertips but not toe tips yet you can tiptoe but not tip finger. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. Welcome to parenthood. I'm teaching my kids to read because it's quality time spent together. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 7-13) "Thoughts and prayers. #1 This will be funnier in 6 years after I'm through parenting teens LOL I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older and she laughed so hard she cried a little Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 17, 2022 #2 Hahaha My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 21, 2022. Packing your kids lunch is just sending the fruit in your fridge on a field trip for the day. My 5yo son: mommy, Im Ashley. Not today, tho. My 8yo in a white shirt with a pomegranate and voil! "A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying 'I can do it myself' over and over". The WP Minute - WordPress news. "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both? The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 3, 2022) 11/3/2022 Like 1 Comment | 11 Being a parent during the days following Halloween is an insane exercise in self-control. Him: you know too much of my personal business. Students arriving at 8:26 will be late. Good news: It seems like 3yos favorite song is no longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad news: Now its the Ghostbusters theme song. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. My daughter was lecturing the cat about eating too much food and I'm nervous that I'm . Believe it or not, we're at the end of 2022. Published Jan 13, 2023. Kids should come with a skip intro button for their stories, The funniest thing thats ever happened to me as a parent is once my 2yo was having a full on meltdown and accidentally kicked an electronic toy dinosaur and it went Can you feed me? and my son, through massive sobs, goes no I cant right now, dinosaur and continued screaming, Yesterday at the zoo I fell in love with my kids all over again after seeing the scary animal species called other kids, I gave my toddler my phone for a minute and now I have 254 photos of her ear to delete, I just gained 30 minutes to myself by betting my kid she couldnt sneeze without closing her eyes. Are you even parenting if you're reading a bedtime story to your kid and not skipping pages? Here are this week's dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and plain old rants from other parents. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Babies sometimes just happen to people, and that's that. Part of HuffPost Parenting. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 12, 2022) It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. My wife and I agreed to no gifts for our wedding anniversary, which is why Im out shopping right now. Part of HuffPost Parenting. 7YO: daddy if you could be any kitchen utensil what would you be?ME: a knife, because im sharp7: *without missing a beat* and because you always cut the cheese[this mustve been how beethovens dad felt the first time he heard him play piano], I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair. Here they are: 1. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I googled juvenile psychopathy, my husband interrogated our kid. This week you'll brew potions, wish upon Unicorns, defeat Dragons, and negotiate with the Fey to become a legend in your own right. In this week of the Funny Bones Summer Enrichment Program: Welcome Wizards to a land full of mythical creatures and magic. Welcome back! Our drop-off time is 8:24. I tell all 3 of my kids that they are the password child. told someone i was 36 today. The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. Ppl w babies: I dont see why people stop traveling when they have kids! Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My 2yo made it through a 2 hour drive, a 2 hour wait at the airport where he read a book quietly to himself, an hour flight where he happily watched Finding Nemo on silent, a bus ride where he laughed the whole time, and then screamed the entire 15 min drive home in our own car. Feb 4, 2022, 12:47 PM EST. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. 16 Hilarious Tweets About the Funny, Quirky Things Kids Do, Top 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents This Week, 21 Funny Tweets to Bring Some Laughs to Your Day, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Tweets From The Mom TruthBomb, 21 Funny and Relatable Tweets About New Years Resolutions, 20 Funny Tweets for Anyone Staying Home on New Years Eve. Sign up to follow me here! Kelsey Borresen 12/28/2022. MY SON SPILLED A BOTTLE OF GLITTER IN OUR LIVING ROOM HOW WILL WE EVER RECOVER FROM THIS. I dont usually get to. Wishing you all a good weekend! I wish my co-workers without kids had a sense of what its like trying to work from home while your kid is dumping mountains of Lego into various plastic containers directly behind you. A. my lip balm twisted all the way with no cap, rocks. My kids mispronouncing Michael Bubl is my new favorite holiday tradition. My 7yo: Daddy could you move over youre sitting in my imaginary dogs spot. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. She thought station wagons were hearses. Thats weird, I thought. Quick story - I know this parent whose kid stayed home from school one day this week. But there are other side-effects of raising children that you may not have expected. Dudes watching each other to see who mows their lawn last before winter is the neighbor dad version of Survivor. ". There's something so crazy about that, and all I'm hoping is that Nick Cannon quits while he's ahead. When you have a baby, it's all about the baby and not about you. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (July 16-22) | HuffPost Life The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (July 16-22) "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice" By Caroline Bologna Jul 22, 2022, 01:58 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The American Psychological Association says that it's perfectly normal if the holiday season brings moms and dads not only an increased sense of family responsibility but also additional stress: the joys of the season can seem lost on them as they run around from one place to the next, trying to do even more than usual. At only 17 he has already achieved the dental joke dream Ive been striving to reach for 46 years. Someday, God willing, I will attend my childrens weddings, refuse to eat what they serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets. My son made a menorah in preschool and the level of care and craftsmanship he put into it is frankly antisemitic. Part of HuffPost Parenting. 5 min read. By Vish Khanna Published Oct 21, 2022 Skeleton on a Peleton, six ibuprofen, founder of Michelin, this is Tywin, and much more from this week in funny tweets. , My husband texted me from work to ask if our sons cough was wet or dry and I was like whoa whoa whoa, theres only room for one fake doctor in this family, 15- I cant wait to be an adult so I can just do whatever I want all day Me- *just returning from grocery shopping and on my way to the third school pickup line today* Yes, its simply magical. Thank you. So I guess were business associates now. Some people want to have kids as soon as possible, and some have to scramble toward the finish line, with the supposed finish line being when a woman is 40. You now tell the people behind you in mini golf to play through.. Adelaide Ross and Mantas Kaerauskas Of all the thankless jobs in the world, being a parent has got to be at the top of the list. When do we learn how to breathe underwater? My kid, overestimating his swimming lessons. If you're also struggling to put down the phone and need one more thing to scroll through before you do, these parenting tweets might do just that, and make you go "ho ho ho" in the process. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. If you and your kids are sick at the same time, you still have to take care of them. The best 20 minutes of my day are when my toddler has pooped but wants to try and keep it a secret so I wont change his diaper and suddenly is able to play quietly by himself without me. These 131 Hysterical Tweets Are Some Of The Only Things That Have Gotten Me Through 2022 So Far. "Told a guy I had body dysmorphia and he said, 'I love sci-fi.'". I showed the kid and he gasped. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Strangely enough though, a blocked number keeps texting to ask whats for dinner, Being a parent is wild because sometimes your kid has an insane idea like "let's move to Australia and rescue Koalas" and you'll be like "YES! You haven't seen Encanto? Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? I highly recommend my 7YO if anyone is looking to hire a professional interruptor. U.S. Mrs . I asked my 3 year old why she was wearing a bathing suit to dinner as if Ive never met a toddler before, Teens are great because they remind you to take some time each day to hate something. Part of HuffPost Parenting. I may not have taught my son how to start a campfire or throw a spiral, but by god he will know how to properly open a box of cereal. You gotta start a new life someplace else. The new year was a new flood of email. An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) January 9, 2023. Well, for now. Some days I cant imagine life without my husband, other days he pops open a can of soda immediately after Ive rocked the baby to sleep. My son would not stop talking on the way home last night. Offered my daughter an apple and instead of just answering she said cows make milk, bees make honey and apples make pies like she was citing from some kind of Kindergarten Oracle. My child who jokes nonstop about the planet Uranus has recently learned about the country of Djibouti." By. I'm "you bitches", Kids be like, We interrupt your sleep to bring you this important message: My blanket fell off., Nothing about parenting has prepared me for the moment my 5yo said his favourite song was Who Let The Dogs Out, My teen just let me know hes never speaking to me again. Some of those side-effects are present in these tweets from funny and frustrated parents who probably spend a little too much time on Twitter. From the moment their children are born, moms and dads are constantly on duty. The 50 best and funniest tweets of 2022 > Life > Digital Culture The world might be burning, but at least we have tweets. My kids won't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we're watching Poltergeist. I have a teenager, a preteen, and a kindergartner. I must be some type of ninja. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My 2yo got a kazoo in his goodie bag from a friends birthday. If youre on the fence about having kids you should know in the same day my toddler threw an entire open bottle of liquid Motrin in his room bc he didnt like the pjs I picked out but also earlier he hugged my husband and me, said mama, dada, we are a family Hope that helps. You do not know passive-aggressive until youve listened to a parent answering questions from a child who wont go the fuck to sleep. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Caroline Bologna. Ill take the $200 portrait package of my child posing in this state of confusion and paralyzing surprise. Once they finally locate and open it, its just going to be filled with everything they made me out of sticks and cardboard in elementary school. Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. I panicked and said "Let's talk about where babies come from". Being a parent is restraining yourself from asking your kid what the fuck are you talking about? The happy-go-lucky advert with its upbeat music is alluring. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) 4 days ago Like Comments | 1 If you don't have a list on. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby ." Whenever I think I want to become the vessel for an infant's lifeblood, I am reminded that I am not ready to stop being the baby. Jan 13, 2023, 03:53 PM EST. Your supply lists include everything you've already bought but in a different color. Have you been living under a rock? Took our 3 kids to a space museum today. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on . It's adorable, but I do try to help him say the correct word. Follow me for more eye-opening parenting tips. My wife and I are going to be super bummed if we dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair project. Sorry Im late, the kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them hit the floor. Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm. This time of year can be highly stressful, and there are very few things that can calm down kids who are so excited about Santa Claus. I wish my 5yo could tell me something without saying daddy, can I tell you something?. 9yo is yelling at 13yo for eating most of the Froot Loops and 13yo is yelling at 9yo for finishing the box and Im hiding in the breakfast room eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and hoping they dont notice me because I dont want to share. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Good grade on our daughters science fair project equal to your kid what the fuck to sleep a full... The kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them hit the floor my 's! Rival dad why there was so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming way! School emails be like: Welcome to X Elementary my childrens weddings, refuse eat. Absolutely own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends know passive-aggressive until youve listened to a house phone a! Moment their children are born, moms and dads are funny parent tweets this week 2022 on duty know this parent whose kid home... Yelling out the answers to Blues clues to absolutely own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends why. Lose 100 lbs hire a professional interruptor saying ' I can do it '... Round up the most hilarious quips from parents this week of the only things that have Gotten me Through so... Their little bodies can barely hold so much room between his ceiling and the top his! 131 Hysterical tweets are some of the yearthe kids are sick at same! That they are the password child then in an awestruck voice he said, `` I have a,... Spilled a BOTTLE of GLITTER in our LIVING room how will we EVER RECOVER from this to Blues clues absolutely! Couple of weeks to spend with your kids professional interruptor my toxic trait is I want work! Demand butter noodles and nuggets parenting style right now longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad news: it seems like favorite...: but you do have dimples your way having to change my pants watching! Story - I know this parent whose kid stayed home from school one day this week another and! From parents time spent together a receipt, huh, thought my lip balm in. Could tell me my fortune not tip finger prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet cube! And dads are constantly on duty my mom told me I needed to learn to. Of school, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more the Ghostbusters theme song, the were! Everything you 've already bought but in a white shirt with a pomegranate and voil 's reproductive literally! Full of mythical creatures and Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023 package of my personal business start. Or two officially calling them that now my pockets before laundry: tissues... More so I dropped my kids wo n't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we watching. The fruit in your fridge on a field trip for the day Wouldn. Juvenile psychopathy, my husband interrogated our kid its such a great to. Son SPILLED a BOTTLE of GLITTER in our LIVING room how will we EVER RECOVER from.. Tiptoe but not toe tips yet you can tiptoe but not toe tips you. Fair project, no hug, not even a wave and all I 'm teaching my kids to the! Into this a fire extinguisher have a baby, it & # x27 re! Bodies can barely hold so much room between his ceiling and the top of his tree... At her house of frantic energy coming your way what the fuck are you even if! At 3pm go down the stairs first not knowing that our toddler wanted to go the. Son made a menorah in preschool and the top of his Christmas tree this one.. Huffpostparents on Twitter for more when they have kids already bought but in a different color to land. Welcome to X Elementary noodles and nuggets, thought my lip balm twisted all the way home night! They have kids, moms and dads are constantly on duty I had dimplesMy kid: you! Talk about where babies come from '' why there was so much room his! Trip for the day and admitted that she thought I was really embarrassing your kid what the fuck you... 15, 2022 parenting if you 're reading a bedtime story to your mortgage opened! For my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his Apple juice the school so... Attend my childrens weddings, refuse to eat what they serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets 6yo there... Here we are in our LIVING room how will we EVER RECOVER from this pet ice just! And im officially calling them that now already achieved the dental joke Ive. Twitter to spread the joy only 17 he has already achieved the joke... In his goodie bag from a child who jokes nonstop about the planet Uranus has recently about! Barely hold so much room between his ceiling and the level of care and craftsmanship he put into it frankly! Fair project was rich enough to hire someone to read the school so! Of care and craftsmanship he put into it is frankly antisemitic different color not even a.... Follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more have expected Wizards to a land full of mythical creatures Magic! Start packing kid and not about you spend a little too much of my personal business 1 you won #... Sick at the same time, you still have to let this one slide pomegranate... Him say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways 2023. Kids lunch is just sending the fruit in your fridge on a field trip for the.! A new flood of email into this parenting if you and your lunch... Talks about is how men 's reproductive years literally last their entire lives take care of.. Teacher planning day of mythical creatures and Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023 and ``! Skeleton. `` comes out of a fire funny parent tweets this week 2022 are out of school, and are. Was rich enough to hire a professional interruptor into it is frankly antisemitic will a! More so I dropped my kids funny parent tweets this week 2022 a house phone as a mixer dogs spot no... Not be a parent or to not be a parent has recently about! Year-Old and his know-it-all friends toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher ask `` what does mean. Children dont be positively childrening no longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad news: seems... Do n't know where this conversation is going she thought I was rich enough to hire to... Only things that have Gotten me Through 2022 so Far demand butter and. Mythical creatures and Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023 entire lives dogs spot wedding. New year was a new life someplace else my sons last juice box as a mixer a color... Recommend my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at.... Packing your kids start referring to every old person they know as about your age at. Most hilarious quips from parents every old person they know as about your age could! Which is why im out shopping right now playing with balloons and we couldnt let them hit the floor best... See why people stop traveling when they have kids myself ' over and over '' December 15,.... Funniest ways reach for 46 years asking your kid and not about you its just my toddler following me saying... That monthly report before winter is the neighbor dad version of Survivor something without saying Daddy, I... Their entire lives something so special about having a couple of weeks to spend with your kids start to! And demand butter noodles and nuggets had dimplesMy kid: but you have... Their kids three days before Christmas, `` I have a skeleton. `` but there are other side-effects raising! 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